Why Film Babble Blog Is Boycotting The New Steve Martin Pink Panther Movies (As If You Couldn’t Guess)

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Come this Friday, with the release of THE PINK PANTHER 2, there will have been 5 Pink Panther films since the great Peter Sellers died in 1980. One was made from Sellers outtakes, 2 of them were failed reboot attempts with actors Ted Wass (as an actual original character named Clifton Sleigh) and Roberto Benigni (as Clouseau’s son), and then in early 2006 a new re-imagining of the series hit the theaters featuring Steve Martin taking on the role of the world famous detective Inspector Clouseau. It was supposed to be a prequel to the Sellers movies somehow and though it wasn't a direct remake it was just called THE PINK PANTHER. It was met with horrible reviews and outrage over Martin’s wrongness for the part, yet still the film was a huge success making close to $200 million and it did introduce a new generation to the clutzy character.

I just couldn’t bring myself to see the film. Seeing the trailers and TV commercials was bad enough – Martin’s pencil thin mustache, his unconvincing accent, and his forced slapstick was unbearable in small doses so I knew watching the entire film could be akin to a nightmare. Also I just simply couldn’t believe he was doing it. I grew up with the comic work of Martin as much as I did Sellers. From his stand-up to SNL to a string of still great comedies (THE JERK, THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS, DEAD MEN DON’T WEAR PLAID, ALL OF ME, etc.) I savored the guy’s career. Unfortunately his later film work (with the possible exception of SHOP GIRL) leaves a lot to be desired. Broad commercial crap like CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN (and its sequel) and BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE typifies his current oeuvre. What I saw of his Clouseau capering looked more in line with the bland family fare of late instead of a desired throw-back to his “wild and crazy guy” days.

And then there’s the case of the actual character Inspector Clouseau (“Chief Inspector!” I hear his ghost correct me). Over 5 films from 1964-1978 (THE PINK PANTHER thru REVENGE OF THE PINK PANTHER) directed by Blake Edwards, Peter Sellers crafted one of the most unique comic creations in film history. As a definitively bumbling police detective who somehow rises in rank at the French Sûreté, Sellers developed a preposterous, yet still believable, overly accented voice and perfected some of the most dangerous looking physical comedy ever seen on the silver screen. 2 years after Sellers’ death, as I previously mentioned, a film was assembled out of mostly unused footage called TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER. It was the first attempt to keep the series going and it featured this notable and regrettable title card during the tradtional opening cartoon:

Halfway through the movie they run out of outtakes and we are told that Clouseau is missing. The film then becomes a “best of”-type exercise with former Pink Panther vets (David Niven, Capucine, Burt Kwouk, Graham Stark, etc.) recalling their favorite moments with Clouseau like one of those filler TV episodes full of previous clips. The next in the struggling series was CURSE OF THE PINK PANTHER. It involved a new, just as bumbling, detective recruited to track down Clouseau. Ted Wass, best known for work on the sitcom Soap and as the Dad on Blossom (which means he’s not really known), filled the shoes and actually did a decent job of it but could Edwards really believe he could keep the series flying? Clouseau only appeared at the end played by, wait for it, Sir Roger Moore (which I covered in 20 Great Modern Movie Cameos, June 5th, 2007). The intrepid detective had plastic surgery to make himself look like the former James Bond after going into hiding for reasons I forget and I just rewatched the damn thing! You see I just got this Blake Edwards Pink Panther DVD boxset from Costco but I digress...

10 years later there’s another reboot attempt – SON OF THE PINK PANTHER (1993) with Roberto Benigni as Clouseau’s outrageous offspring. Not much good to report here but it did have the last appearance of series regular Herbert Lom and Claudia Cardinale - who despite playing Princess Dala in THE PINK PANTHER (1964) appeared as Maria Gambrelli here, a character that was played by Elke Sommer in Clouseau’s second screen aventure A SHOT IN THE DARK. Whew! Elements like that make The Pink Panther series to be unquestionably the most inconsistent movie series ever - character and plotline-wise that is. By the way, SON OF... was Edward’s last ever film as director - for so many all too obvious reasons.

After those unsuccessful efforts (TRAIL, CURSE, and SON OF… which at least they were more imaginably titled than with sequel numbers) you’d think that 3 strikes and they’re out but as John Belushi would’ve said “but Noooooooo!” Earlier this decade, still wanting to keep one of its previous cash cows alive, United Artists announced plans to revive the series and names like Kevin Kline and Mike Myers were tossed around as possible candidates to don the trenchcoat, tweed hat, and apply the fake mustache. It was indeed shocking that Steve Martin, not a man known for accents or imitations of any kind, got the part and even more shocking was the sight of the first released pictures of him in Clouseau garb. It all just seemed like it couldn’t really be happening – it was just a bad joke, right? Well, yeah a bunch of bad jokes strung together to save a franchise but they were really happening as I could see when ads appeared full of embarrassing clips of the phony Clouseau falling out windows and causing mass destruction at every turn but with none of Sellers’ charm.

This week Roger Ebert in his review of THE PINK PANTHER 2 wrote: “Peter Sellers was a genius who somehow made Inspector Clouseau seem as if he really were helplessly incapable of functioning in the real world and somehow incapable of knowing that. Steve Martin is a genius, too, but not at being Clouseau. It seems more like an exercise.” I am usually very strict about not judging a movie before I see it but I believe I have incredible amounts of evidence that these movies are abysmal attempts to rekindle the flame that Sellers sparked 40 years ago and that it would further depress and anger me to see them. With 11% (so far) on the Rotten Tomatometer I seriously doubt that PP2 is going to be THE DARK KNIGHT of comedy sequel reboots but I’m willing to listen to people stick up for the Martin Panther movies. That is if there is actually anyone out there that really likes them. I just can’t go there, you understand? Otherwise I implore my fellow bloggers and readers to stay home, rent an old classic Peter Sellers Pink Panther film this weekend, and avoid this unholy concoction. I’m sure Sellers is tired of spinning in his grave, but I bet by this point he’s probably used to it.

More later…

QUANTUM OF SOLACE And The Film Babble Blog Best Of Bond

QUANTUM OF SOLACE (Dir. Mark Forster, 2008)

I liked but did not love CASINO ROYALE – the 007 reboot debut of the robust Daniel Craig but I was way in the minority, mind you. Folks who never cared for a James Bond movie before, and many who had never seen one before as well, fell head over heels for the intensity of the lead man, the non-stop action set pieces, and the emotional realism that many thought the series would never have. Craig proved himself as a Bond with a difference; one that really bleeds with a powerful palpable anger bottled inside to form a fierce focus. He’s never in need of a gimmicky gadget to save him or a clever quip to break the tension. More BOURNE than Bond some critics claimed, but this was still a preferable approach to the dated fading status of the superspy.

Helmed by a different director (Marc Forster who has never directed an action film and man does it show) QUANTUM OF SOLACE picks up where CASINO ROYALE left off with Bond in revenge mode chasing down the killers of slain lover Vesper Lynd. His adventure begins with wretchedly cut and ferociously un-involving pre-credits car chase which unfortunately sets the standard for the entire episode. We follow Bond, who is still into running and jumping from rooftop to rooftop, from one locale to the next- Haiti, Bolivia, Austria (you gotta have globe trotting) as he kills government traitors and fights to bring down the ginormous terrorist organization Quantum, which is the only connection to the odd title (yes, I know it’s taken from a Ian Fleming short story and that with Bond titles don’t matter). That’s the best I can do with the plot or lack of it. Hard to make that a matter of much criticism when even the best Bond films have had thin narratives but when I didn’t care what the significance of a particular character was or what exactly was happening it’s hard to overlook.

Craig’s performance is the saving grace of this tangled tortured mess of a movie. He has perfected his unique take on the iconic character and has a scorching presence that often helps this material rise above its turgid trappings. It also helps that there’s a strong cast on the sidelines – the always appealing Judi Dench returns as M, Jeffrey Wright again plays Bond’s CIA ally Felix Leiter, and Olga Kurylenko does the best she can with her role as Bond’s requisite love interest Camille. The elements of sex and humor that I found largely lacking in the previous film are also absent here but what’s worse is that this exercise is sadly sans both style and substance. QUANTUM OF SOLACE is a failed follow-up to what I realize much more than before was one of the strongest entries of the Bond canon. CASINO ROYALE didn’t just think outside the box, it ripped the box to shreds and discarded the remains to build its own new box. That the new box is already rotting and needs to be replaced is a shame, but we know James Bond has overcome bigger obstacles and will resiliently return regardless.

And now, for the bloggosphere geek record, and because I feel many of my fellow film bloggers and readers haven’t grown up with 007 like I have, here’s my favorite films featuring the original international man of mystery:

Film Babble Blog’s Top Ten Best Of Bond

1. FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (Dir.Terence Young, 1963) Despite the heavily derived from Hitchcock’s NORTH BY NORTHWEST helicopter chase sequence, the fight scenes, and the now obligatory boat chase this is more of a straight thriller laced with romance than the expected high octane action ilk and that’s how I like Bond best. Sean Connery’s second performance as 007 captures him in suave stride as he romances a Russian agent (Daniela Bianchi) while battling SPECTRE (Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion). Filled with finesse from the first frame to the last and still as sharp today as Rosa Clebb’s poisoned shoe spike was back in the Kennedy Camelot era.

2. GOLDFINGER (Dir. Guy Hamilton, 1964) It’s close to a tie between this and #1; this being the fine tuning of a formula that served the series very well. A megalomaniac (Gert Fröbe) sets out to commit “the crime of the century” by literally going for the gold (Fort Knox) but Bond (Connery) foils his plans and gets Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) in the process (also literally). The theme song sung by Shirley Bassey (who later did the better than the movie theme for DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER) is as definitive as the film itself.

3. THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (Dir. Lewis Gilbert, 1977) There’s a bias here because this was the first one I saw as a kid at the theater but it’s certainly considered the best of the Roger Moore Bond movies (Moore himself agrees). It has one of the best Bond babes (Barbara Bach), one of the best Bond theme songs (Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does It Better”), and one of the best Bond automobiles (a Lotus Esprit that can convert to a submarine car). It also has the infamous overlarge henchman “Jaws” (Richard Kiel) who was popular enough to be shamelessly trotted out again in the next movie.

4. DR. NO (Dir. Terence Young, 1962) Yep, like the first 3 Elvis Costello albums the first 3 Bond movies are essential IMHO. Connery assumes the role immediately and this has much evidence of the cold cunning killer that folks these days seem to think Craig created. The shot of Ursula Andress emerging from the water in a white cotton bikini with a knife holster is forever etched into my psyche and into film history. Fittingly the scene was recreated with Halle Berry in DIE ANOTHER DAY and to show the tables have been turned in terms of sexual objectification nowadays, Daniel Craig did the honors at the beach in CASINO ROYALE.

5. ON HER MAJESTY’S SERCRET SERVICE (Dir. Peter Hunt, 1969) Maybe an odd choice to some because it featured a Bond one-timer (George Lazenby - who I believe is Marge Simpson’s favorite Bond) but I think it’s crucial for several reasons, the most important being that this is the one he gets married in. Former model Lazenby may have been a horrible actor but he’s got a grand movie surrounding him with the elegant Diana Rigg (fresh from The Avengers) as his bride, Telly Savalas as the most energetic version of Bond’s arch enemy Blofeld to be found in the series, and the first and still best ski chase Bond’s ever been in.

6. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (Dir. John Glen, 1981) This was a noble and successful attempt to get Bond back down to earth (again literally) after the sublimely stupid STAR WARS cash-in MOONRAKER. Roger Moore’s 5th outing as the secret agent was nicely plotted with a great McGuffin (ATAC - Automatic Targeting Attack Communicator, a thingie that looked like a big calculator) and a toned down sense of self satire, i.e. fewer one-liners. There is genuine drama involving yet another revenge scenario amongst the action sequences which include the expected ski-chases, underwater fights, and a mountain climbing climax which defines the word “gripping”.

7. GOLDENEYE (Dir. Martin Campbell, 1995) Honestly, though I thought he was well cast, I wasn’t a big fan of the Pierce Brosnan Bond films. I felt that it all had been done to death and that the series should retire. This film does address that with M (Judi Dench – the only linking cast member to the Craig Bonds) calling Bond a “sexist, misogynist dinosaur” and a “relic of the cold war”. There is a streamlined effort present to preserve and re-invigorate the adventures of 007 and Brosnan here for his first of five films is well up to the task even if the formulaic packaging falters. That’s not to say there isn’t plenty of fun to be had so it makes the grade.

8. THUNDERBALL (Dir. Terence Young, 1965) Err, make that the first 4 films! Michael G. Wilson, producer and screenwriter of many Bond movies, not long ago remarked “We always start out trying to make another FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE and end up with another THUNDERBALL.” As Bond blue-prints go though that’s a pretty good one to end up with. While it’s bogged down with too many underwater fights, THUNDERBALL has a great villain in Adolfo Celi as Emilio Largo (SPECTRE #2) and features Connery’s last best performance as Bond (he pretty much walked through 3 others after this including the weird remake NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN in 1983). I believe this makes the list again because of my love of it as a kid and my ironic fondness for the swinging theme by Tom Jones. Austin Powers took a lot of notes on this one.

9. THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (Dir. John Glen, 1987) Maybe I’m just throwing a bone to everybody’s least favorite Bond Timothy Dalton or maybe I just have a thing for every actor’s first time in the role but this was a fair effort to move the franchise into a new more realistic direction after the parting of Roger Moore. Dalton, who was excellent as the moustache twirling villain in HOT FUZZ a few years back, brings his stage training to the part and while the standard cold war plot (itself a relic) holds no surprises there is considerable charm and a nice chemistry with Maryam d’Abo, definitely one of my favorite Bond women.

10. LIVE AND LET DIE (Dir. Guy Hamilton, 1973) Roger Moore’s first is again a favorite from my youth and one I always stop and watch when coming across it when flipping through the channels. It has the key elements – great theme song (by Paul McCartney and Wings), great action set-pieces (definitely the best boat chase of the canon), a great lovely lady (Jane Seymour), and a great edgy adversary (Yaphet Kotto). Bond’s brush with Blaxploitation is only marred by the worst, and most embarrassing, deaths of a villain (or of anybody) of all the movies – don’t worry no Spoiler but you’ve been warned.

Whew! Well, that’s my best of Bond. If you are weary of going to see what is surely going to be #1 at the box office this weekend, you may consider catching up with one or two of the classics above.

More later…