Friday, March 26, 2004

THE LADYKILLERS And Other Coen Borthers Bonuses

Today to celebrate the release of the new Coen Brothers movie "The Ladykillers" this is a special edition of Film Babble Blog dedicated to the work of Joel and Ethan Coen. A career re-cap of sorts with lists, quotes, and a review of "The Ladykillers" to boot. Okay then...

First up -

BASIC FILMOGRAPHY AND INITIAL GUIDE TO THIS BLOG

BS - BLOOD SIMPLE (1984)
RA - RAISING ARIZONA (1987)
MC - MILLER'S CROSSING (1990)
BF - BARTON FINK (1991)
HP- HUDSUCKER'S PROXY (1994)
F - FARGO (1997)
BL - BIG LEBOWSKI, THE (1998)
OBWAT - O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU? (2000)
MWWT - MAN WHO WASN'T THERE, THE (2001)
IC - INTOLERABLE CRUELTY (2003)
LK - LADY KILLERS, THE (2004)

THE COEN BROTHERS REPERTORY ROLE CALL 1984-2004

Steve Buscemi - MC, BF, HP, F, BL
Campbell, Bruce - HP, F, IC, LK 2 small parts and 2 as "soap actor on TV" - all 4 uncredited.
Blake Clark - IC, LK
George Clooney - OBWAT, IC
Charles Durning - HP, OBWAT
John Goodman - RA, BF, BL, OBWAT
Holly Hunter - BS, RA, OBWAT
John Mahooney - BF, HP
John McConnell - MC, OBWAT, LK
Frances McDormand - BS, RA, F, MWWT
Jon Polito - MC, BF, HP, BL, MWWT
Stephen Root - OBWAT, LK
Tony Shalhoub - MC, BF, BL, MWWT
Hallie Singleton - MWWT, LK
Peter Stormare - F, BL
Billy Bob Thorton - MWWT, IC
John Turturro - MC, BF, BL, OBWAT
M. Emmet Walsh - BS, RA

COEN BROS. FUN FACT FORUM :

The line "if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its ass a-hoppin'" appears in 2 Coen Bros. flicks - RA (1987) & HP (1994)

Musicians Aimee Mann (as the nihilist's girlfriend) and Jimmie Dale Gilmore (as Smokey - the league bowler who insists that he "wasn't over the line") make brief but notable cameos in BL (1997)

In RA (1987) Nicholas Cage works at Hudsucker Industries - an obvious connection to their later film HP (1994)

In MC there's a building called the Barton Arms another obviousl connection to a later film.

F (1996) says at the beginning "This is a true story - the events of this film took place in Minnesota in 1987..." This is totally false. They meade the whole thing up! Those damn pranksters!

Editor Roderick Jaynes - a member of BAFTA - The British Academy Of Film and Television Arts and nominated for F (1996) and praised for his work on BS and BF (I know its confusing - see above code will ya?) was found out upon his Oscar nomination to being a fabrication by the Coens! That's right Jaynes never existed! They created the name because when editing BS (1984) they thought there were too many Coens in the credits already. Again - what pranksters!

In IC (2003) Judge Marva Munson played by Isabell O'Connor finds in favor of Rex Rexroth (Edward Herrmann) in the Divorce trial proceedings leaving his wife (Catherine Zeta Jones) literally out in the cold.

In LK (2004) Marva Munson (Irma T. Hall) is unkowingly duped into being a front for a heist. Why the same name? Are the characters related or the same person at different points in their lives? Maybe they just like the name. Who knows?

LOST OR FORGOTTEN OR OBSCURE OR JUST IGNORED COEN OR COEN RELATED FILMS :

CRIMEWAVE (1985) : Hard to find movie at most videostores and unavailable on DVD. Written by the Coen brothers but directed by Sam Raimi. "We prefer it lost" - Joel Coen to Uncut Magazine May 1998.

THE NAKED MAN (1993) : Ethan Coen co-wrote this oddity with director J Todd Anderson.

BAD SANTA (2003) : Ethan executive produced and came up with the story with Joel.

SOME COEN BROS. FAN-WEB SITES :

http://x-stream.fortunecity.com/fleetst/71/

http://www.coenbrothers.net/

http://www.ambidextrouspics.com/html/joel_and_ethan_coen.html

COEN BROTHERS ON DVD - WHAT SHOULD YOU BUY AND WHAT SHOULD YOU WAIT FOR THE SPECIAL EDITION OF?

BS (1984) - BUY IT - This currently available Universal DVD contains the director's cut that was theatrically released in 2000 plus a commentary by Kenneth Loring of Forever Young Films and a great old school trailer. I seriously doubt we'll get any more material on the Coen's debut movie so go ahead and get it.

RA (1997) - WAIT FOR THE SPECIAL EDITION This paltry disc from 2oth Century Fox has no extras and being that it is a comic masterpiece and the flick that busted the Coens into the mainstream somewhat it deserves better. Much better. Hold out until the powers that be grant this a special edition. It's got to happen.

MC (1990) - BUY IT

BF (1991) - BUY IT

HP (1994) - WAIT FOR THE SPECIAL EDITION

F (1996) - BUY IT Good new 2003 special edition was worth waiting for. It has a new documentary "Minnesota Nice", a commentary by Roger Deakins, and a cool Charlie Rose appearance by the Coens along with Frances McDormand. Shame on you if you don't already own this.

BL (1998) -WAIT FOR THE SPECIAL EDITION

TMWWT (2001) - BUY IT This contains one of the funniest DVD commentaries ever with Joel, Ethan, and Billy Bob Thorton tracking the "Ed nod" and adding lots of witty insight into an otherwise stoic dry slow film. Also contains brief inessential deleted scenes - just a couple of hair-cut examples that were rightfully cut. Definitely a strong Coen Bros film that gets better every viewing. Get it and watch it with the commentary and try not to agree.

IC (2003) - BUY IT The most commercial outting yet by our indie duo comes with a decent DVD transfer and a number of outtakes - really bloopers and unused footage. The Coen Brothers apparently don't think of "deleted scenes" in the same way that most of us do judging by their DVDs.

THE COEN BROTHERS IN THE ROUND

[Evelle picks up a pack of balloons]
Evelle: Do these blow into funny shapes and all?
Grocer: Well, no, unless round is funny.

According to the IMDB :

"The Coens frequently focus on round spinning objects. The hat in Miller's Crossing, bowling balls and tumble-weed in Big Lebowski, hair pomade tins in O Brother.. or UFO and a car wheel in Man Who Was Not There."

To that we can add the hula hoops in HP (1994). I loved the touch that when Charles Durning re-appears as the ghost of Hudsucker his halo spins like a hula hoop lit up around his head. The Barber shop pole and the contrasting haircut head-shots in MWWNT are other notable circular examples.

The bowling balls that the IMDB mentions in BL provide many oportunities for shots involving rolling roundness. The best and most unique shot comes from a montage in which we got a barrell view of a spinning bowling alley as a ball rolls down the lane. That's right - it's a point-of-view shot from the finger hole on a bowling ball! I'm still not exactly sure how they pulled that off.

Part of the Coens style in scene set-up is to display extreme close-ups of inanimate objects. In BF (1991) our protagonist rings the desk bell at the hotel and we get a shot of the bell as it boings thoughout the lobby and slowly stops vibratingly buzzing - beyond beautiful.

In the world of Coen cinema round isn't just funny - it's hilarious!

- Bertie Shafer

And finally the film babble blog review :

THE LADYKILLERS

Dir. : Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
Starring : Tom Hanks, Irma P. Hall, Marlon Wayans, J.K. Simmons, and Ryan Hurst

The original "The Ladykillers" was of a series of British Ealing studios comedies about the frailty and manipulative nature of man. Here the story remains the same with the characters names changed and plot points altered. To get things straight - the original 1955 movie directed by Alexander Mackendrick and starring Alec Guiness and Peter Sellers (in his first full length feature role) is now redone with many liberties by the masterful Coens. I had a fear going in that this may be like the re-make of "Ocean's 11" which subtracted the ironic conclusion. No worries - no commercial concessions storywise. Casting-wise is another matter.

Tom Hanks plays Professor Goldthwait Higginson Dorr who shares with past Coen characters H.I. McDonnough (Nicholas Cage - RA)and Everett (George Clooney - OBWAT)a distinctive trait - his diction and command of the english language far exceeds any other skill or ambition. His plan here is to rent a room in an unassuming elderly Marva Munson's (Irma P. Hall) house and with an assembled gang of cronies including Marlon Wayans and J.K. Simmons (from the HBO series OZ) tunnel through the basement to a Riverside Casino's vault. They con Hall by masquerading as musicians who need a place to practice by playing classical music on a portable stereo to simulate their performance and cover the sound of tunneling. Marva Munson is a great Coen concoction - a Bob Jones University praising church going figure of reason who regularly converses with a painting of her late husband. In a nice touch her deceased spouse's expression changes in reaction to the twists in the farce - an effect not in the original but in many comedies since.

Many laughs come from Gawain MacSam (Marlon Wayans) the inside connection at the Casino speaking what Munson condemns as "hippity hop" talk. Garth Pancake (J.K. Simmons) also amuses as a explosives expert who loses a finger at one point, bickers with everyone, and constantly says "it's the easiest thing in the world" about everything. The General played by Tzi Ma seems to exist in the story to fill a smoking gag - when Munson enters the room he hides his cigarette in his mouth perfectly restoring it with his toungue when she leaves. Again a variation on a gag in many a comedy but it works here so I'm not complaining.

Hanks does a good job with Prof. Dorr's ticks - his nervous laughter, his pristine babble, and his quick scheming about faces but it never made me forget Alec Guiness's Professor Marcus. But it's not really intended to. This film co-exists nicely with the 1955 version. Make sure you see that one if you haven't already. It's a classic comedy that merged black humor and silliness - 2 things the Coen brothers excel at. I doubt this 2004 remake will ever be called a classic comedy but it is an engaging funny film that hits more than misses. Now make a movie from an original script why don't you?!!?
- Edward Callistan

And of course Sarah Warner has some Coen Brothers lists. This time though the whole film babble blog staff all pitch in :

TOP FIVE LINES SAID MORE THAN ONCE IN A COEN BROTHERS FLICK :

1, "It really tied the room together" - BL (1997)
2. "I'll show you a life of the mind!" - BF (1991)
3. "I didn't expect all the hoopla" - HP (1994)
4. TIE - "Okay then!" & "they've got more than they can handle" - RA (1987)
5. "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" - Again BL (1997)

5 COOL COEN USES OF 5 COOL SONGS

1. "The Man In Me" - Bob Dylan
: The opening title sequence of BL saves a great Dylan song from obscurity and sets the ramshackle tone splendidly.

"Can I say that, even though he's 49, my husband idolises Dylan?" - Frances McDormand on Joel Coen (Uncut Magazine January 2004)

2. "Suspicious Minds" - Elvis Presley : Talk about setting the tone! Set to an animated sequence of Cupid imagery no other song would serve better than this classic track by the King in IC.

3. "The Same Old Song" - The Four Tops : Both as background on a jukebox in a bar scene and as the closing credits song this soul pop standard does the trick in BS even if it feels like a concession to the previous year's "Big Chill" soundtrrack success. It was in the original release and the DVD director's cut but on the '80's video release it's replaced by "I'm A Beliver" - Neil Diamond version for some reason.

4. "I'm A Man Of Constant Sorrow" - John Hartford : One of the top selling soundtracks ever surprisingly came from the Coen's Homer redux OBWAT. Clooney lip-synchs to this a few times in the movie with his makeshift ex-convict vocal band the Soggy Bottom Boys and another traditional but forgotten song gets remembered.

5. "Memories Are Made of This" - Peter Gallagher : Gallagher steals the scene as Vic Tenetta - Party Singer if only for a moment in HP.

5 WEIRD CAMEOS IN COEN BROS. FLICKS :

1. Flea - as Kieffer who is one of the nihilist crew in BL.

2. Anna Nicole Smith - as Za-Za who briefly dates Tim Robbins during his character's 15 minutes of fame in HP.

3. Sam Raimi - famed director and Coen collaborator (The Evil Dead, Crimewave) puts in close to extra-like brief appearances as a snickering gunman in MC and Hudsucker Brainstormer in HP of course.

4. Jose Feliciano - F rare appearance of someone playing themselves in a Coen bros. flick. He appears on stage basically as a back drop to a scene but still resonates.

5. Gillian Welch - OBWAT was noted for it's music so it's only natural for Ms. Welch to show up as a Soggy Bottom customer and as the voice of one of the sirens. Go girl!

Contributors to this Coen themed film babble blog : Daniel Johnson, Sarah, Warner, Edward Callistan, Bertie Shafer, Anderson Moran, Alyson Bowers, Steven Adeff, and Clay Dumas.

More later...

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Welcome to Film Babble Blog!

"A film is a film but when it is shown in theaters it becomes a movie" - Willis Drummond

Man whatta movie season - Mel Gibson's Jesus complex is causing a stir, Lord Of The Rings - Return Of The King became the first fantasy film best picture Oscar winner, and government research has just determined that videocassettes are going to go the way of the dinosaur - in 5 years tapes will no longer will manufactured on a global scale. Well I have to say this is a good thing - I mean them bulky boxes of plastic parts and spools of sticky brown tape from the '80's are no match for the shiny sexy digital disc of today. Let's not get all sentimental and whatnot about those old tapes that you have most likely in a box in your closet full of Seinfeld episodes or movies taped off Cinemax in 1992 on - let's embrace the obviously better picture and sound of DVDs. You with me? Let's go!

We'll start with

DVDS IN CURRENT RELEASE RECOMMENDED BY THE FILM BABBLE BLOG PANEL :

AMERICAN SPLENDOR
ANYTHING ELSE
BARTLEBY
DUMMY
INTOLERABLE CRUELTY
LAUREL CANYON
LOST IN TRANSLATION
MIGHTY WIND, A
MELVIN GOES TO DINNER
OWNING MAHONEY
PARTY MONSTER
RUSSIAN ARK
SCHOOL OF ROCK
SUICIDE CLUB
THIRTEEN
21 GRAMS
WILLARD

CURRENT RELEASE DOCUMENTARY DVDS RECOMMENDED BY FILM BABBLE BLOG :

CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS
DECADE UNDER THE INFLUENCE, A
KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE, THE
WINGED MIGRATION
STONE READER

CURRENT RE-RELEASE SPECIAL EDITION DVDS THAT ROCK :

BLOW OUT (1967)
ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981)
JFK (1991)
DAY FOR NIGHT (1974)
ALIEN QUADRILOGY (1979-1997)

CURRENT DVDS THAT FILM BABBLE HATED :

ANGER MANAGEMENT
BRUCE ALMIGHTY
CAT IN THE HAT, THE
CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND
COLD CREEK MANOR
CONFIDENCE
DICKIE ROBERTS - FORMER CHILD STAR
DUPLEX
FREAKY FRIDAY
HOLLYWOOD HOMICIDE
HULK, THE
HEAD OF STATE
IDENTITY
IN-LAWS, THE/IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY (Michael Douglas double feature from Hell!)
JOHNNY ENGLISH
LIFE OF DAVID GALE, THE
LOONEY TUNES - BACK IN ACTION
MONA LISA SMILE
PHONE BOOTH
PREY FOR ROCK & ROLL
RUNAWAY JURY
SAFETY OF OBJECTS
SHAPE OF THINGS
SINGING DETECTIVE, THE
SPUN
VIEW FROM THE TOP, A
WONDERLAND

TV-SERIES DVDS THAT ARE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE :

SOPRANOS, THE (HBO 1999-PRESENT)
SIX FEET UNDER (2001-PRESENT)
THE OFFICE (2001-PRESENT)
24 (2002) - First season only!!!!
MR. SHOW (1995-1998)

FILM BABBLE BLOG PANEL : Daniel Cook Johnson, Edward Callistan, Bertie Shafer, Sarah Warner, Anderson Moran, Alyson Bowers, Steven Adeff, and Clay Dumas.

Want to join the FILM BABBLE BLOG PANEL? Send your reviews, lists, and whatever submissions you have to :

cookieco@sprynet.com

Of course Sarah Warner has more lists. Take it away Sarah :

GREAT MOVIE CHARACTER NAMES :

1. Snake Plissken (ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK) - Kurt Russell
2. Tie - Travis Bickle/Rupert Pupkin (TAXI DRIVER/KING OF COMEDY) - Robert Deniro
3. Macon Leary (THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST) - William Hurt
4. Edwina 'Ed' McDonnough (RAISING ARIZONA) - Holly Hunter
5. President Merkin Muffley (DR. STRANGELOVE) - Peter Sellers
6. Doctor Michael Hfuhruhhurr (THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS) - Steve Martin
7. Archie Leach (A FISH CALLED WANDA) - John Cleese *
8. Trixie Delight (PAPER MOON) - Madeline Kahn
9. Doctor Holly Goodhead (MOONRAKER) - Lois Chiles
10. Sugar Kane Kowalczyk (SOME LIKE IT HOT) - Marilyn Monroe

* Cary Grant's real name

FIVE MOVIES HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY MARTIN SCORCESE'S GOODFELLAS :

1. CASINO (1995) Yep, even Marty himself rips off his own work. "Casino? Cas-seen-it, when it was called GOODFELLAS" - David Spade SNL
2. RESERVOIR DOGS (1992)
3. BLOW (2001)
4. BOOGIE NIGHTS (1997)
5. COPLAND (1996)

TEN STAR WARS RIP-OFFS :

1. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (1978)
2. THE LAST STARFIGHTER (1984)
3. BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS (1980)
4. BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY (1979)
5. FLASH GORDON (1980)
-4 & 5 are bad retro remakes that never would have been made without the success of STAR WARS.
6. MOONRAKER (1979)
7. OUTLAND (1981)
8. BATTLEFIELD EARTH
9. THE BLACK HOLE (1979)
10. SPACE RAIDERS (1983)

That's it for now. List lover Sarah Warner says later!

Thanks Sarah. Funny how some of those Star Wars rip-offs look better than the prequels. Oh well. Seeya all later.
- Danny

Thursday, March 18, 2004

The Top 10 Best Sequels Ever Made

"A film is a film but when it is shown in theaters it becomes a movie" - Willis Drummond

We've had so much response both positive and negative about Ed Callistan's THE TOP 100 SEQUELS THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN MADE article (March 12, 2003) that he agreed to list the best sequels made but he smirkingly added that it was hard to come up with anything more than a top ten list which pretty much underlines his original point. Also we've got new DVD reviews, a look at the PG-13 rating, and of course more lists.

And now once again Edward Callistan :

I said in my top 100 worst sequels list that there were precious few good sequels and I'm sad to report that that was no slanted remark - it's true that there are only a couple of handfuls of good follow-ups or series entries in the moviegame. They are :

THE TOP TEN BEST SEQUELS EVER MADE

1. The Godfather Part II - undoubtedly the greatest sequel because it was better than the original, won a best picture Oscar, and because unlike all the sequels on the top 100 worst list it actually has more story to tell. The casting of Robert Deniro as a young Vito Corleone didn't hurt either. Like Part I this was written by Mario Puzo who also wrote :
2. Superman 2 Works as a follow-up because it's actually an extension of the first film. It was filmed at the same time for the most part and nicely concludes the Krypton villains subplot set-up from the original.
3. Star Trek II : The Wrath Of Khan It wasn't hard for this one to be better than the first because the first one really sucked! It was long and boring and had a celebral egghead ideal at it's core nothing like this shoot 'em up good Vs. bad get back to sc-fi basics bonanza!
4. The Empire Strikes Back The second one but actually the 5th in the series as we all know this is a great dark layered film luckily not directed by Lucas.
5. Lord of The Rings - Return Of The King: Peter Jackson broke all sequel rules by making 2 kick-ass series entries and being the second sequel best picture award winner.
6. In Like Flint: Many forget Flint James Coburn's suave American equivalent to James Bond. They really shouldn't because this is some sharp slick '60's stuff.
7. The James Bond Series (1962-Present)- I got people saying that many of the Bond films should have been on the worst list and people thanking me for not including any of the films especially the much reviled "The Man With The Golden Gun", "Moonraker, and espcially the Timothy Dalton tragedy "License To Kill" but I feel overall they series keeps a high standard and I felt there were more deserving targets.
8. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Dennis Miller once joked that Star Trek VI ought to be subtitled "The Apology" (you know because of the Shatner helmed tradgedy of Star Trek V) but this is the sequel that really should have that subtitle. This was a pure return to form after the misguided Temple Of Doom. Sean Connery as Indiana's father really seals the deal. The word that there may be a 4th Indiana Jones movie is troubling though.
9. Mad Max 2 : The Road Warrior
10. Aliens


Next Bertie Shafer one of our break-out most emailed contributors has a classification breakdown. We're talking the Motion Picture Association ratings system's PG-13. The youngest of the ratings it has the task of handling the grey areas of movies on the line. Go Bertie!

HAPPY BIRTH DAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY PG-13 : PARENTS STRONGLY CAUTIONED -HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

That's right. 20 years ago the PG-13 rating was born. Steven Spielberg claims on the recent DVD boxset of Indiana Jones movies that he had the idea for a rating between PG and R because of movies that may be too intense for younger audiences but not intense enough for mature audiences. His involvement in Gremlins and Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom supports this claim but Jack Valenti President of the MPAA denies this. Whatever the case when you look at the reasons on a poster or video box for a film being labeled with the PG-13 rating it's always different. A survey of a number of titles over the years brings us these denotations :

MILD LANGUAGE
SOME SENSUAL CONTENT
CRUDE SEXUAL CONTENT
CRUDE HUMOR
SOME RUDE HUMOR
DRUG MATERIAL (OR DRUG REFERENCES)
- Apparently any drug content gets a movie a PG-13. Whale Rider denotes a Momentary Drug Reference even!
SOME VIOLENCE
VIOLENT SPORTS-RELATED IMAGES
(Seabiscuit)
PERVASIVE LANGUAGE
IMAGES OF NUDITY
COMIC NUDITY (?)
(Johnny English)
SEXUAL INNUENDO
THEMATIC ELEMENTS


This is one of my favorites -

SCI-FI ACTION VIOLENCE, SOME DISTURBING IMAGES AND BRIEF PARTIAL NUDITY (The Hulk)

DRINKING - I know how could this get a PG-13? There's lots of drinking in G rated Disney flicks! Maybe it's because it's Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights.

Another good one -

FOR INTENSE SEQUENCES OF FANTASY, VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE AND INNEUNDO (Leauge Of Extraordinary Gentlemen)

INTERGALACTIC VIOLENCE - yep if your flick contains violence of an interplanetary nature you will get a PG-13 rating. Watch out!

Again Happy 20th PG-13. May you denote particular film content for the good of the young ones everywhere for decades to come.

- Bertie Shafer who personally is rated NC-17.

Uh thanks Bertie. I guess I can't take my nephews to see you now. Anyway Sarah hit us with some more lists, will ya?

Of course Danny - I will oblige :

TOP 5 MICHAEL CAINE MURDER MOVIES

1. DEATHTRAP (1981)
2. SLEUTH (1972)
3. SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM (1990)
4. DRESSED TO KILL (1980)
5. HOW TO MURDER A RICH UNCLE (1957)

FIVE DMV-APPROVED MOVIES :

1. INTERSECTION
2. CHANGING LANES
3. THE CROSSING GUARD
4. FREEWAY
5. TRAFFIC

FIVE BAD MOVIES BASED ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE CHARACTERS :

1. CONEHEADS
2. IT'S PAT
3. SUPERSTAR
4. THE LADIES MAN
5. NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY

- 'Til next time luscious list lover lady Sarah Warner logs out.

More later...

Saturday, March 13, 2004

DVD Disses & More

Today our growing panel of film pundits looks at DVD technology and some recent DVDS are given the once or twice over. Starting with my :

DANNY'S DVD DISSES - 10 SPECIAL FEATURE PET PEEVES

Doncha just hate :

1. DVD's that don't let you skip trailers for other movies to get to the menu
2. Films that have their special features on a second one sided disc. There's no reason not to use both sides of one disc! Do we really need double disc editions of movies like Duplex or Eight Crazy Nights? I don't think so.
3. DVDs that are so packed with extras - documentaries, deleted scenes, interviews, etc. But for some reason don't include the original theatrical trailer.
4. DVDs that only include the original theatrical trailer as a "special feature".
5. Does anyone care whether a DVD has a "collectible booklet" or not? Ever hear anyone ever say anything along the lines of "man, the special edition of Goldfinger has an awesome booklet inside"? I didn't think so.
6. Chapter Selection listed as a "special feature".
7. Photo galleries and written bio/filmographies. Uh - we have the internet thank you.
8. DVDs that have special features listed in their menus but when you go there it says "for special features insert disc 2". I mean come on!
9. That off setting pause while a layer switches during play. Some discs its less notable than others but damnit it foreshadows another better format on the horizon I feel.
10. When directors talk about material in the commentaries that should be included on the DVD but isn't. For Example - Airplane! had a lot of outtakes re-inserted in it's network TV debut but it is stupidly absent from the DVD, Roger And Me showed on PBS with a half hour sequel of sorts - a short called Pets Or Meat in which Michael Moore follows up on what happened to the people presented in the movie. It feels like a criminal act not to include it on the DVD.
One final mention - the original Simpsons shorts from the Tracy Ullman show. Why weren't they part of the 1st season Simpsons DVD set? Why?!!?

Next New York based writer and sometime comedian Bertie Shafer gives us some yaking about so-called "alternate endings" feature on a lot of them there DVDs :

THE END...OR WAS IT?

Anyone with a casual interest in film knows that sometimes a movie has more than one ending shot. Sometimes as an afterthought but most of the time after initial test screenings were greeted with negative reactions. Fatal Attraction is a classic example. In the original version Michael Douglas's adultery committing-ass is hauled off to prison after the suicide commiting crazy lady Glenn Close frames him for her murder. Wham! Right? But no - supposedly audiences couldn't take such a downer ending in which the supposed male protagonist "hero" is done in by his evil deed. No let's give it a more conventional slasher ending with Close assaulting Douglas and wife Anne Archer and with a cliched she's-dead-no-she's-not-dead mentality driving it and audiences will love it! Well actually they did. Fatal Attraction was a huge hit for Paramount even making the cover of Time Magazine so maybe they played their cards right. Actually adultery as a social issue in the news was the real factor behind it's success I believe so the ending would've resonated more in it's original incarnation I believe as well. The special edition Fatal Attraction DVD (Paramount) contains the alternate ending so all is not lost.

Shortly before that the remake of The Little Shop Of Horrors was retinkered with to give it a happier ending in which Seymour (Rick Moranis) and Audrey (Ellen Greene) win the battle against gigantic killer plant Audrey 2 and run off happily to the suburbs and wedded bliss. The 1986 movie was based on the stage play that comically reworked the campy 1960 Roger Corman flick into a twisted '50's'sci-fi musical. The play on stage retained the original movie's ending in which Audrey 2 ate Seymour, his girlfriend Aubrey and everybody else then growing big enough to demolish New York and proceed to make a feast of the entire planet. There was even a song that accompanied this - "Don't Feed the Plants". Apparently test audiences disliked this ending and the happy ending was made and it was the only one ever after. To this day the original ending is a rare disc extra. A 1998 special edition of the film had it included but it was recalled (!) by David Geffen who hadn't given permission to use the footage to Warner Brothers. So don't look for it on DVD now but maybe it'll surface someday.

Also notable for being absent on what would be an excellent special edition DVD release is the alternate pie fight ending to Dr. Strangelove. That's right - a pie fight in the war room. Not that I've seen it. Only photos of it on one DVD edition. Too bad - it would be so nice to view that footage. Also Oliver Stone talked of filming a different ending of JFK in which Jim Garrison actually wins his case in court implicating one of the conspirators. Where the hell is that?

Of course you'll find as you click on the alternate ending feature in your DVD menu that some are not really alternate at all. In the case of Thelma and Louise is an extended ending in which nothing different happens - it's just a different longer take. The conclusion of Arlington Roadis only changed by the point of view shots of one character - the outcome and fates are still intact. 28 Days Later likewise is different only by the exclusion of a character in the editing. An alternate ending first and only is the 1984 board game inspired but Murder By Death retread Cluein which 3 separate endings revealing different muderers were released theatrically simultaneously meaning you'd see a different ending depending on what theater you went to. The gimmick didn't pay off - the flick flopped and all video releases contain all 3 endings. According to the IMDB a 4th ending was shot but never shown.

"They said to me on the phone 'you know if you had a happy ending on this movie we really think we could go through the roof with it - it would be a great cmmercial movie' and I said 'look that's the movie. The only reason I made the movie is because of the tragic ending otherwise I wouldn't have made the film" - Woody Allen on The Purple Rose Of Cairo

Nobody knows what the Woodman is talking about more than Terry Gilliam. The well documented struggles over his 1986 classic Brazil make clear the implications of a comprised ending by committee. The alternate ending on the so called Sid Sheinberg version (he was the Universal executive that demanded changes to the film especially the bleak ending) caps an alternate movie in full. Butchered beyond the grasp of the intended thematic crux this Spielbergian "happy version" is sadly the TV version. Meaning its the only version a certain segment of the populace will ever experience. The horror...The Horror!

I started this piece on alternate endings as a list - something like Best Alternate Endings on DVD but I kept coming up short. Instead of a cool DVD curio the alternate ending feature seems more and more to say "artistic differences in view" or "compromises may seem bigger than they appear". Of course if the DVDs for such titles as Identity, Runaway Jury, or Matchstick Men had alternate endings that were actually good and less contrived I'd be more excited about seeing this feature in the menu. Nevertheless here's some of the most notable DVDs that have more than one ending to offer the discriminating viewer :

TO LIVE AND DIE IN LA

SE7EN - Not really an "alternate ending" - it's the test screening ending. I mean the same thing happens just with different shots.

AUSTIN POWERS : INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY - 2 endings labeled "original ending 1 and 2" on the DVD. Too bad neither is very good.

SPY GAME

UNFAITHFUL

FROM HELL

BANDITS

JOY RIDE
- "4 shocking new endings!"

UNDERCOVER BROTHER - DVD box boasts "outrageous alternate ending!" Of course it was nothing of the sort.

NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE

COLD CREEK MANOR

ENTRAPMENT


Yeah - those last few entries were really going for quality control huh? You can see that the best movies (with a few exceptions) benefit by sticking with one definitive ending.

- Bertie Shafer


If you have any favorite or notable "alternate endings" that you'd like to share? Email the Film Babble fun bunch at :

cookieco@sprynet.com

Again here's Sarah Warner with her unique brand of list fun. Enjoy :

You know my personal God Woody Allen gets dissed for a lot of reasons. One of which really always irked me - if his movies are supposed to be the epitome of "quintessential New York" where the Hell are the black people? So let me clear this up - there have been black people in the Woodman's films even back in the 70's. Here are the top 5 -

African Americans In Woody Allen Movies :

1. Frank Adu - Love And Death : As the Russian drill sergeant in Woody's Tolstoy spoof Adu delivers a non-stereotypical authority figure who berates bumbling soldier Allen. Bootcamp follies ensue!
2. Annie Joe Edwards - Purple Rose Of Cairo/Bullets Over Broadway : Okay at first these seem like obvious Gone With The Wind maid caricature roles but Edward actually rises above that with A. Some of the best lines in the script and B. Then sense that she's the smartest person in the room.
3. Hazelle Goodman - Deconstructing Harry : Okay skeptics said something like "the first major black role in a Woody Allen movie and it's a hooker!" But damnit the character is written as a black womnecessarilyily - just a woman with a colorful past and realist approach. Goodman also appeared in Woody's 9/11 short-film shown at the Concert For NYC (2001)
4. Anthony Mason - Celebrity : Charlotte Hornets NBA player who makes a brief appearance as himself shows up protagonist Kenneth Branaugh before skirting off on another passing cloud.
5. Ties - Emme Kemp, Clark Gayton, Marcus McLaurine - Sweet And Lowdown : Many dismiss the back room scenes early on as token extra casting in Sweet and Lowdown but you gotta give Woody props for trying to assimilate into black jazz culture in some way even it feels like a throwaway background device.

Honestly I wanted this to be a top ten list but could only come up with 5. Whoa - maybe the Woodman's critics have a point!

Nah - I just think Woody writes what he knows and black culture or any other culture away from Jewish, NY, jazz-minded, etc. is a different world for him. But give him props for trying!

For Danny's Film Babble Blog this has been List Queen Sarah Warner

And now this editions DVD review corner :

COLD CREEK MANOR (2003) - Bertie Shafer's bit on alternate endings is apt in appraisal of this dud. The DVD has an alternate ending but it hardly matters considering that this is just another trip down the Shining/Cape Fear/Kalifornia predictable thriller path with even some Blair Witch and The Ring thrown in for some kind of measure. You know the story - well to do family moves out to the country to escape the dangers of the city but finds the supposed home of their dreams has a dark gruesome past. Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone are the high powered long married couple who uproute their kids and careers and settle for a country mansion once owned by Stephen Dorfe. Dorfe immediately recalls Brad Pit's white trash murderer in KALIFORNIA. Dorfe's waitress girlfriend played by Juliette Lewis drives home that reference. Snakes mysteriously appear, clues to a possible murder conveniently pop up, and marital strife adds friction - wife Stone admits to coming close to cheating on husband Quaid in a EYES WIDE SHUT manner. There isn't an original bone in this old school creaky manor to be found! A number of critics were let down by the complete lack of supernatural elements and I agree - you might as well have an ancient Indian burial ground if your gonna have all these other cliches that are literally from Hell! Makes the formulaic and contrived WHAT LIES BENEATH look like ROSEMARY'S BABY
- Edward Callistan

Keep on keepin' on. Film Babble will return...

Friday, March 12, 2004

The Top 100 Sequels That Should Have Never Been Made

To start off this new blog our panel of movie experts tackles unnecessary sequels, gives you upcoming blockbuster alerts, and gives you some meaningless lists all in the name of film fun! First up former senior editor of and critic for the sadly defunct Cinema Simple magazine in the '90's Edward Callistan starts us off right with a list that floored me, made me laugh but then made me realize how much of my life was wasted watching :

THE TOP 100 SEQUELS THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN MADE

There was a Simpsons episode where Bart was trapped in a room with multiple doors labeled with roman numerals. At first he wasn't able to read them as numbers but suddenly his knowledge of Rocky films kicked in and he was able to indentify the numerals correctly and pick the right door in which to make his exit. That might be the only practical purpose for most movie sequels. I mean sure there's a few good to excellent sequels - Godfather Part II comes immediately to mind. I mean that one even won the best picture Academy Award! But for every good sequel like say The Empire Strikes Back or Superman II there are literally hundreds of awful unneccessary movie grubbing retreads. Here's the cream of the crap. 100 bad sequels, well actually more than that considering I use one entry for multiple movies out of or including a whole series at times.

Lastly many would argue that in some cases the original movie shouldn't have been made either but that's a whole 'nuther list!

Read them and weep -

1. Godfather Part III - Godfather Part II pretty much summed it up didn't it? This defines the term "unneccessary and pointless sequel" but considering at one point in the '80's Stallone came close to fronting an entry in the Godfather series it could have been a lot worse. Many blame Sophia Coppola's acting or lack of acting but in my book the project was doomed the second Robert Duvall passed. They replaced him with George Hamilton. George Hamilton for Christ's sake!
2. Ghostbusters 2
3. Fletch Lives
4. City Slickers 2
5. More American Graffiti
- The post-script to the original movie said what the fates of the characters were - so why do we need this unfunny, stiff, and visually bombastic mess? I can't think of a reason.
6. Blues Brothers 2000 - Or course if you're reading this list you know that sequels mostly always suck but if one of the major players from the first film is dead they are destined for the Hall of Suck. Aykroyd's misguided attempt to revive the Blues Brothers film career replacing the great John Belushi with John Goodman is a embarrassment and almost as much of an insult to Belushi's legacy as Bob Woodward's Wired.
7. Back To The Future 2, 3
8. Airplane 2 - The Sequel - Probably one of the worst offenders of the retreading of the entire first film with no shame. In the commentary for the Airplane! DVD the Zucker brothers and Jim Abrahams stress that they had nothing to do with the sequel and that to this day neither of them has seen it. Good decision. Wish I had made it too.
9. All of the Pink Panther movies made after Peter Sellers Died
10. Star Trek V
11. All of the National Lampoon Vacation sequels
12. Jaws 2, 3, and Jaws : The Revenge
13. Superman 3 & 4
14. Beverly Hills Cop 2 & 3

15. Batman Returns, Fever, & Batman And Robin
16. Analyse That
17. Naked 2 2/2 & 33 1/3
18. Waynes World 2
19. Austin Powers 2 & 3
20. Lethal Weapon 2, 3, & 4

21. Star Wars I The Phatom Menace & II Attack of the Clones : "Prequel? More like Nyquil" - David Letterman
22. Speed 2
23. The Two Jakes (Chinatown sequel)
24. The Fly 2
25. Father Of The Bride 2

26. Rocky II, III, IV, and V and let's go ahead and sum up Rambo II, III, & IV
27. Robocop 2 & 3 : Wasn't there a TV show or made for TV movie or something else too? Whatever - I'm too lazy to IMDB it. Like it really matters anyway.
28. Caddyshack 2
29. Alien 3 & Resurrection

30. Psycho II, III - There was also some lame made for TV, cable TV that is, deal with E.T.'s Henry Thomas playing a young Norman Bates while Anthony Perkins recounted his youth to some radio call-in show. It was Psycho IV - The Beginning. I got off my ass and IMDB'ed something for once!
31. Die Hard 2 & 3
32. Weekend At Bernie's 2
33. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
34. Men In Black II
35. American Psycho 2

36. Scream 2 & 3
37. Scary Movie 2 & 3
- The poster campaign for the original Scary Movie said "No shame, no mercy, no sequel". Need I say more?
38. Major League 2 & 3
39. Halloween II, III - Season Of The Witch, 4 - The Return Of Michael Myers, 5, 6 - The Curse Of Michael Myers, H20 - 20 Years Later, & Ressurection
40. Arrival 2
41. Oh God Book II & Oh God You Devil
42. Escape From L.A. (Escape From New York sequel, duh!)
43. Texasville (The Last American Picture Show sequel)

44. The Evening Star (Terms Of Endearment sequel)
45. Book Of Shadows - Blair Witch 2
46. Nightmare On Elm Street, 2 - Freddy's Revenge, 3 - Dream Warriors, 4 - The Dream Master, 5 - The Dream Child, 6- Freddy's Dead - The Final NIghtmare, 7-New Nightmare, 8 - Freddy Vs. Jason - A first! 2 bad movie series unite into a crossover bad movie! Of course that brings us to :
47. Friday the 13th Part II, Part 3 in 3D!, IV - The Final Chapter (what a freakin' lie!), Part V - A New Beginning (of course), Part VI - Jason Lives, Part VII - The New Blood, Part VIII - Jason Takes Manhattan, Part VIIII - Jason Goes To Hell - The Final Friday (another freakin' lie!), Jason X - Jason X took place in outer space. Consider it the Moonraker of the series.
48. The Color Of Money (The Hustler sequel)
49. Crocodile Dundee II & Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles. Holy crap! Can't we be finished with this guy?!!?
50. The Neverending Story II - The Next Chapter & III - If the first one was neverending then why did they make a sequel? - Dennis Miller
51. Poltergeist II - The Other Side, III, and some TV movie crap - The Legacy. Jesus let the ghost go.
52. The Gods Must Be Crazy 2
53. Legally Blond 2
54. FX 2
55. U.S. Marshalls
(The Fugitive sequel,sort of)
56. American Pie 2 & American Wedding
57. Beneath The Planet Of The Apes, Escape From The Planet of the Apes, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes & Battle For the Planet of the Apes
58. Amityville Horror

59. Another Stakeout
60. Another 48 Hours
61. Nutty Professor 2
62. Dr. Doolittle 2
- I mean while we're on Eddie Murphy we might as well cancel these out.
63. 2010
64. Predator 2
65. Terminator 3
66. Exorcist II - The Heretic
67. Revenge Of The Nerds II - Nerds In Paradise, and the 2 made for TV sequels III - The Next Generation, and IV - Nerds In Love.
68. Smokey and the Bandit 2 and 3
69. Grease 2
70. Three Men and a Little Lady
71. Look Who's Talking 2 & 3
72. Jurrasic Park II & III
73. Mission Impossible 2
74. Damien - Omen II & III - The Final Conflict + some damn TV movie Omen IV - The Awakening
75. Jewell Of The Nile (Romancing The Stone sequel)
76. Mad Max 3 - Beyond Thunderdome
77. Return To Oz
78. House Party 2 & 3
79. Police Academy 2-whatever
: all of them. Please don't ask me to list them!
80. The Sting 2
81. Death Wish 2, 3, & 4 - The Crackdown, V - The Face Of Death
: Man Charles Bronson sure looks like the face of death to me!
82. Shock Treatment (Rocky Horror Picture Show sequel)
83. Highlander II, III, IV - again I think there was some made for TV crap too but let's leave it at these.
84. Conan The Destroyer
85. The French Connection 2
86. Meatballs 2
87. Hot Shots Part Deux
88. King Kong Lives
89. Home Alone 2 & 3
90. A Very Brady Sequel
91. The Crow 2 - City Of Angels
92. Ace Ventura 2 - When Nature Calls
93. Beyond the Poseidon Adventure
94. Children of the Corn II - The Final Sacrifice
(Bad move. Wait to yer 4th or 5th flick to use words like final), III, IV - The Gathering, V - Fields Of Terror, & 666 - Isaac's Return, The Revelation
95. Matrix Reloaded
96. Tremors 2 & 3
97. The Mummy Returns
98. Arthur 2 - On The Rocks
99. Teen Wolf Too
100. Porky's 2 - The Next Day & Porky's Revenge


Whew! That's quite a list of worthless film follow-ups. Since the Ring 2, Before Sunset, Birth Of The Pink Panther, and Star Wars Episode III haven't been released yet I'm sure I'll post a sequel to this list at some point in the future.

- Edward Callistan

Thanks Ed. Look for more of his lists and bitchin' 'bout bogus cinema on future blog posts. Film babble at it's purest. Now my friend and fellow movie geek Bill Bird gives us some lowdown on some upcoming theatrical releases. Go Bill!

BIRD'S EYE VIEW : WHAT'S HAPPENING IN MOVIELAND

There's a lot of buzz going around about the upcoming Garfield movie that's a CGI deal with Bill Murray voicing everybody's favorite funny fat cat but what's little remarked on is Murray's taking the vocal duties over after the death of former animated Garfield voice Lorenzo Music in 2001. What's interesting is that Lorenzo Music did Garfield's voice from 1982 with a debut on a prime time special followed by several others and then a saturday morning series in the late '80's. Music was best known before Garfield doing the voice of the never-seen-in-person Carlton the doorman (who was also later animated) on the Mary Tyler Moore spin-off Rhoda in the mid to late 70's. He had a lot of voice-over work during that same period including doing the voice of Peter Venkman on the cartoon version of Ghostbusters in 1986-87. You understand what I'm getting at? That was the role played by Bill Murray in the 1984 film. So the family of Lorenzo Music has yet to comment on this. But stay tuned 'cause the Bird always gets his worm!

Brian Wilson finally unveiled Smile - his notorious unreleased supposed masterwork a few weeks ago at a live performance in England. A friend - actually the editor/creator of this film babble blog - Danny gave me a new mix of the original Smile material resequenced to reflect Wilson's setlist and Mojo magazine's track listing suggestions. What an amazing sequence of songs! What does this have to do with movies? I found out somehow that it matches up with Birth Of A Nation! That's right the trend of synching up movies with albums (you know Wizard Of Oz + Dark Side Of The Moon, right?) hasn't died at least in my household. The driving track "Heroes And Villains" on Smile fits so perfectly with the footage of the Clan in Birth... that I thought I was goona die!

Things get hairier on the set of the long delayed Gilligan's Island movie. Apparently John Goodman has left the production leaving the role of the Skipper in jeopardy. Madonna (originally slated to play glamorous movie star Ginger but was replaced by Mia Sorvino after she made negative comments about Joe Eszterhas's script) was recently quoted as saying she was "glad to get off a sinking ship". That may be the most apt description as the troubled production faces more setbacks. "The weather started getting rough" indeed.

- Bill Bird

Lastly contributer Sarah Warner gives us some random movie lists for no real reason whatsoever! Enjoy-

TEN MOVIES THAT HAVE HITLER IN THEM :

1. Zelig
2. To Be Or Not To Be
3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
4. Contact
5. Triumph of the Will
6. Double Headed Eagle
7. The Producers
8. Little Nicky
9. Max
10. Caligula Reincarnated As Hitler (I'm not making this up)

TEN MOVIE TITLE QUESTIONS :

1. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
2. What About Bob?
3. What's Love Got To Do With It?
4. Who's That Girl?
5. Who's That Knocking At My Door?
6. What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?
7. Why Do Fools Fall In Love?
8. Which Way Is Up?
9. What's Eating Gilbert Grope?
10. What's Up Doc?

TEN PG-RATED MOVIES THAT HAVE NUDITY IN THEM :
(Some brief, some not so brief)

1. Brainstorm
2. Logan's Run
3. The Ruling Class
4. Airplane!
5. Clash Of The Titans
6. The Wedding
7. 16 Candles
8. Barbarella
9. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1979 remake)
10. Alice's Restaurant

- Sarah "I love making lists" Warner

Thanks Sarah. Well that's it this time. We'll be back later with more Film Babble Blog so keep posted and we'll keep posting.
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